Bad news in the days of the pandemic

by Claudia Ravaldi

This post is also available in: Italiano (Italian)

We receive the testimony of a couple. Their pain of illness and loss adds to the pain of isolation and loneliness.
“My partner and I have lost our baby. We terminated the pregnancy after discovering trisomy 18.
Today I read that Codogno patient # 1 has happily become a father. This news hurts our heart to us.
They break us. Like everything.
Above all because in the reality of abortion fathers are not contemplated in the least and it hurts to read about that patient 1 who became a dad because the reality is very different, no one cares about fathers!
It’s been a week and 2 days and everything seems to be over for us.
We were at 14 + 3.
I’ve always been alone. All time. My partner was in the car, like a dog.
For the covid. Indeed no, because of the health personnel and the ignorance of prenatal death.
Because that is the real reason.
We do nothing about the fact that Giulia was born and that patient n. 1, can do dad. Lucky him!
But maybe there are Serie A dads and Serie B dads?
We performed the ultrasound where we are told that the nuchal translucency was greatly increased, indeed I performed it (alone), on March 16.
After the shock of the doctor’s words they allowed me to call my partner.
I had received the news by myself.
He hadn’t even seen the ultrasound, and he would never see any again. We were in full covid emergency.
The world has collapsed on us.
We are sent to the referral regional hospital. Villocentesi. Interview with the doctors. Trisomy 18.
I heard everything with my ears.
And only with mine.
He was never able to enter the facility, he couldn’t even stay in the waiting room.
I tried over and over to ask if they could let him in explaining why we were there.
Nothing.
Dad doesn’t count for anything. The womb was mine.
Absurd.
My partner stayed in the car for days.
On the day of the interruption, I and many other mothers of that day were all alone.
All.
Some had IVG, but they felt no less pain, I saw their eyes, I talked to my roommate and I felt the same pain I felt, even though she just couldn’t hold that baby, it was 4 and he was out of work.
For me it was the first and we wanted it infinitely and we also looked forward to it a lot.
But it didn’t matter. We were both sad in the same way. And sun.
How is it possible that one can lose a child alone? To date. In 2020.
Let’s not repeat the history of the pandemic.
I was “alone” at 14 + 3, but I saw mothers the day before being hospitalized with such big bellies and always being alone.
Yet, in the hospital where I have been there is a ward especially for terminations of pregnancy.
Now so many things hurt us, so many. But the urgency was to give voice to this situation because it makes mourning even more painful and unbearable. “

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